


Matchmaker

by bboiseux



Series: CR2 Short Stuff [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bad Matchmaking, C2E002, It's mostly jester, Just So We're Clear, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-07 23:52:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13446060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bboiseux/pseuds/bboiseux
Summary: Caleb turns out to be not stinky.  And pretty!  Jester is sure Fjord noticed, but he clearly needs help doing anything about it.[For Episode Two!]





	Matchmaker

This was going to be a tough one.  They couldn’t use magic to disguise themselves because they knew it would be detected immediately.  And the non-human members of the crew would be too difficult to disguise by hand.  That left Beau and Caleb to get a makeover.  Caleb had slumped in a corner and needed time alone to talk to Nott before he gave in.  Beau had seemed nervous and then excited and started running though her plans for an accent and a backstory and a limp and . . . .  Molly had simply rolled his eyes and said it was “the confidence of an idiot.”

Now it was an hour later.  Caleb had been gone for a while to work on a disguise in private.  Beau’s hair has been died blonde and Molly had helped weave some extensions in to cover the undercut.  Fjord was carefully working on Beau’s makeup as she groaned about how much time it was taking.

“I don’t understand why this is taking so long.  I can slap makeup on in, like, thirty seconds.  Tops”

Jester giggled and pointed, “Yes, and that is why it looks like shit!  Fjord is much better at this than you.  You should pay attention and learn.  If I do this, you just end up blue!”

Fjord groaned as Beau began to animate into an argument.  He grasped her shoulders and pulled her up straight.  “Beau, honey, I need you to stay still.  This contouring takes a light touch.”

Beau froze into a stiff uncomfortable position and Fjord continued to work his magic.

Nott was the first to notice Caleb when he wandered in.  She grimaced, “Oh no, Caleb, you’re so . . . pink.”  She looked like she was thinking about throwing up a little.

Molly and Jester turned to look while Fjord stayed focused on Beau’s rigid face.

Caleb was cleanshaven, revealing a strong jaw where his scruff had been.  His hair was tousled, slightly wet, but brushed back out of his face.  What stood out the most though was the form of his body under recently laundered and pressed clothes.  Although he hunched slightly, like he was still weighed down by his heavy, muddied coat, these much lighter and formfitting clothes revealed a svelte and sleek body.

Molly tapped a finger at his bottom lip, “Well, well, well.”

Jester simply burst up from her seat, “Holy shit, stinky wizard.  You are pretty!”  She waggled a finger at him, “You shouldn’t hide things like that.  If you’ve got it, you need to flaunt it.”

Caleb ran a hand though his hair, “Yes, well, I’m not so sure that I’ve ‘got’ anything, although it’s very kind of you to say something.”

Nott was still staring in horror at Caleb’s freshly washed form, “Maybe we could go and roll a bit in the mud . . . ?”  She chattered on and Caleb worked to reassure her.

As Nott and Caleb talked, Jester looked over to Fjord to make a comment and noticed that, although his eyes were firmly fixed on Beau’s face, his cheeks were blushing a dull brown.  Jester smiled mischievously and as soon he put down the brush to admire his work, she said, at least twice as loudly as was needed, “Oh Fjord, how I wish I was better at the magic, so I could teach you the bouncy light trick, but I think you should really talk to Caleb.  He is amazing with spells.”

Everyone in the room was staring at her.  Between clenched teeth, Fjord whispered, “What the hell are you doing, Jester?”

Jester was undeterred, “Oh Caleb, do you think you could help my friend learn your happy, sparkly light trick?  He is super interested in learning things like that and I think you would be a fantastic teacher.”

Molly was smirking like his life depended on it, but he hid it behind a mug of trost.

Caleb was looking over his shoulder, “Oh, sure, Fjord.  Anytime you want to learn, I’m happy to help.”

By the time he finished, Jester was already dragging Fjord over to him, “You should teach him now.”

“Jester,” began Fjord, “I really don’t think there’s time—”

Jester raised a hand, her face deathly serious, eye’s locked on Fjord’s.  She reached and took Fjord’s hand, “Who knows what will happen tomorrow?  We must take every opportunity we are given . . . even if it is just to learn a little spell.”  She dropped Fjord’s hand and gestured at Caleb, “Besides, what if this goes horribly wrong and Caleb dies tomorrow?  Then how will you learn dancing, swirly light trick?”  Jester twirled around and danced off back to Molly as Caleb blanched and he and Fjord exchanged looks.

Jester plopped down next to Molly and watched Fjord and Caleb intently from across the room.  At least they were talking now.  Heads leaning towards one another.  Hands resting near each other on the table. Raw sexual energy clearly arcing between them.

Under her breath, Jester whispered, “Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.”  She tried to push their tiny heads together with her fingers.

Next to her, Molly took a sip of his drink and chuckled lightly, “I know what you’re trying to do,” said Molly, “It’s doomed and incredibly stupid, but I approve wholeheartedly.”

Jester gestured broadly, “I do not understand why they are not kissing already!”


End file.
